Private Matter 1
The problem of declining sex and possible solutions
Let’s identify the problems
If you remember yourself having better sex in the past, you are not alone. There is a big number of men who have the same feeling. The sex drive is not so powerful as it used to be (do you remember waking up in the morning with a hard-on?). The emotional effect from weaker libido can have serious consequences that may threaten relationships with your woman.
Facing this problem, some men might seek other sources of sexual fulfillment. It can be as a relatively-innocent online flirt or up to the full-blown infidelity. The rest of the men intend to stay away from their mates and avoid sex knowing about their own “disability” or weakness.
A certain number of men ask the “professor Google” about this matter just to discover “magic pills” or find numerous con artists “doctors” who offer the “unique and proven” formulas. As you may guess, it sucks your money away but does not solve the problem and, as a result, brings even more disappointment.
Even if you are not among the men who have this problem, I encourage you to find out more, so, you will learn how to avoid this problem in the future.
Before telling you about solutions to this common problem, let’s see what diminishes sex drive.
The number one reason is decreasing of a “big T” in your body. I am talking about man’s hormone testosterone. Not jumping into the detailed description of it (I will tell you in detail later), this hormone is mainly responsible for your sexual energy. With the declining level of testosterone, you feel weaker as a man, less energetic, and even your body will react to it by adding more fat over your muscles, and much more.
The number two reason is stress in your life. Stress during business hours at your work, the stress in your family after work, stress from financial problems, … you name it. Stress kills the desire, stress kills the intimacy, and stress, after all, can kill the relationship. The longer your sex life is inferior, the more chance it will be the main issue in arguments with your partner.
The number three reason is a poor habit that is lifestyle-related. Continuous use of alcohol or drugs (in any form including prescription drugs), unhealthy diet plus the lack of physical activity, and, as a result, obesity and poor blood circulation will diminish your desire to have sex.
The number four reason is more trivial. Some men are hooked up with online porn and “self-satisfaction” so much that their mentality toward sex with a real partner is shifted to the degree that they don’t feel the same satisfaction can be achieved. In their mind, the boring sex with the same woman (that might be not so sexually attractive anymore) won’t bring the same pleasure as watching nude and young chicks online while masturbating. Although not many men believe it is so harmful, our minds can play tricks and can become the source of the problem. The statistics confirm it.
The number five reason is the lack of “preparation” for sex. You have stopped talking about sex and abandoned any seduction that you have used before (like flowers, special gifts, whispers, hugs, and kisses in the neck). Your partner might wonder why, and even may jump to conclusions or have a suspicion that you might have another woman or you do not find her attractive anymore.
Man, I understand! The bunch of commitments like work, difficulties with children, aging parents, and the need to be a provider, --all of it takes a toll and takes time. It leaves you with no time to spend with your life partner and assure her that she is still sexy and desirable.
So, what should you do?
Let’s try some simple steps
I believe that the shortest path to a solution is to seek counseling with a trained therapist.
He can quickly identify the source of the problem and can help you to break the so-called “bedroom barriers” and return you and your partner to the loving connection.
Meanwhile, if you have identified the source of your frustrations on your own, you can try a few changes in your daily routine that may help you see a positive outcome.
* The lack of testosterone is usually the problem of an aged man but it is not the rule. Some younger folks fall in that category, too. So, what to do with “big T” deficiency?
I am going to dedicate a separate article to that matter as it deserves a full-blown discussion, so subscribe and get notified. In short, as the first step, you will have to make immediate changes in your diet and physical activities. There are also other options available.
* To fight the stress, spend some time analyzing your daily life and identify the sources of the stress. Learn how to mitigate them (change the approach, apply the daily meditations, etc.).
Recently, I was talking to my son who is working for the Federal Government. Having a serious level of technical responsibilities, he has to have a deal with a bunch of a-holes who don’t care about the best way to complete the task but rather look for ways to shift the responsibilities to another person and avoid any initiative because it may influence their yearly review in a case of the negative outcome.
The daily stress at work began taking a toll on the son’s relationship with his wife. Since he is a person who used to make the project completed as efficiently as possible, all that office politics drove him crazy and affected his attitude. He was failing to put the barrier between his job problems and the family. I have asked a son a bunch of questions and provided several suggestions but, after a while, I understood that he is working in an unusual environment. There is no way he can change it, no matter what he would do.
The solution? Since he is very well paid (including insurance and other Government perks), I have recommended him to keep working there but to look at everyday work from the bird’s-eye level. All that frustration should meltdown as long as you won’t expect efficiency from your coworkers and the management, as long as you consider it a “norm”.
There is always a way to mitigate stress. If you are unable to find out how to get professional assistance.
* If your problem might be related to your lazy lifestyle and poor habits, blame no other but yourself. Look in the mirror and promise to the man in a mirror to make the drastic changes if you still want to have a better sex life, if your sex connection with your woman is more important than, let’s say, drugs or spending most of the free time on your sofa.
Man, you owe it to yourself! Wake up and become a man’s man.
* At last, drop or drastically minimize the amount of porn if you are watching it, and rather spend your efforts on establishing a better connection with your woman. For instance, give her a call and tell her “I love you”. Just don’t overplay. Bring her flowers or put one rose on her side of a bed. If you have looked at young babes in the lingerie online, buy some lingerie for her in Victoria Secrets and replace the image of babes in your mind with your woman, still young and sexy, in the lingerie.
Consider changing the routine sex technique with something new: in another room, another place (kitchen table, perhaps?). How about “quickie” in the morning? I know one couple in their forties that had a “quickie” in the women's clothing store, in the theater, on the beach behind bushes, and, of course, in their car. They surely know how to spice their sex life.
It does not hurt to share the book or movie of Kamasutra or make a sensual massage to each other. You see, man, sex is an art of lovemaking but not mechanical friction.
The man’s man understands it.
Should you use the Supplements?
There is plenty of suggestions regarding using the supplements. Every scientific study concentrates on the deficiency of some minerals in your body due to various factors like age, diet, eating habits, overall health, etc.
As far as I studies this subject, I did not find any assurance that certain supplements help the man with a sex drive problem. In many cases, quite opposite. All those “magic” recipes are being heavily criticized by many guys who tried them with zero results.
However, I believe that some vitamins and non-prescription dietary supplements can help to make your body healthier and more efficient. I have learned after attending my physician that I had not enough vitamin D in my blood. After taking a daily dose of 5,000mg, vitamin D3 has helped me to get rid of minor skin problems (if not at 100% but, perhaps, at 85%).
I have learned that taking daily the extract from Black Currant (a daily dose of 400mg) has helped me maintain my vision without prescription glasses (to my big surprise!).
As you see, not everything about the supplements is a B.S.
There are some suggestions based on scientific studies that certain non-prescription supplements may help spark the desire and boost energy. Let me name a few.
L-Arginine. This natural amino acid is linked to several benefits including erection enhancement. While many high-fat red types of meat contain this amino acid, the benefits are being diminished by saturating the blood vessels. This is a reason why taking the supplement is more beneficial (PDRHealth, 2005). You can order it from Swansonsvitamins.com (inexpensive).
Maca. Maca root has been used as a libido enhancement for many generations among Peruvian Incas. This root is considered as a natural aphrodisiac (sexual energy booster) that also helps with relieving stress and the overall mood for improved sex (Cicero et al, 2001).
Ginseng. I have learned that while ginseng is primarily being recommended for memory improvement (and there is no serious study that confirmed it), the Panax Ginseng is traced back to Asian culture to fight fatigue. It is also known as a libido-lifting substance that improves sex drive by supporting mood (Murphy & Lee, 2002; Kiefer & Pantuso, NY Academy of Science, 2003).
Yohimbe. This root may increase the blood flow to the genitals and, as a result, enhance sexual sensation. Yohimbe was the first FDA-approved impotence drug. Some studies suggest that the combination of Yohimbe with L-Arginine is very powerful for supporting the erection (Lebret et al, European Urology, 2002). Avoid non-prescription Yohimbe.
There are some newer FDA-approved drugs but I would stay away from them as they have a bunch of side effects: you heal your sex organ and you destroy the other organs. Before ordering any of them, make sure you read the customers' comments.
After all, if you feel the diminished sex drive, now is the time to liberate your libido if you want to feel like a man’s man with your partner. Mental and emotional maturity are the keys to good sex. Wake up and start doing it today!
This article is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed to constitute professional advice. Nothing contained herein shall constitute a solicitation or endorsement. I am not affiliated with, nor do receive compensation from, any company. My apologies for any spelling mistakes (although, I have used the spell checker) or my writing style if it is not up to your taste. I am going to use my numerous notes from various articles, and if I did not specify the source, my kudos to all those authors whose thoughts I have added on the pages.