Part II. A FEW SIMPLE THINGS EVERY MAN NEEDS TO MAKE HIM HAPPY
The link to PART I.
Support, Loyalty, and the Cookie
Those guys who have already had some experience in dating or even marriage, know very well that women are complicated creatures. Women need stuff. Lots of it. And you expect your man to provide it, even if you haven’t explained what it is you need and want, or even if what you needed and wanted five minutes ago is wholly different from what you need and want now. In fact, I heard the joke that the only way a woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men—an old one, an ugly one, a Godzilla, and a gay guy. Now the four of them combined? They got you covered.
The old man—he’ll sit around the house with you, spend his pension check on you, hug you, hold you, give you comfort, and won’t expect any sex from you because, well, he can’t get it up no way. From him, you get financial security.
The ugly one? He’ll go above and beyond the call of duty to help you out: he’ll take the kids to their lessons after school, run you down to the grocery store, wash the car on the weekends, babysit the cat—whatever you need, he’ll provide it because he’s just happy someone as beautiful as you is paying him any kind of attention. From him, you get “me time.” He frees you up to do all the things you need time to do.
And then there’s the Godzilla man. You need a big ol’ Godzilla man. You know what you gonna get from him. He’s big, he’s not that smart, can’t hold a good conversation, got muscles popping out from his eyebrows to his pinkie toe and when you see him, you know he’s going to put your back out. That’s all you want from him, and he makes sure he gives it to you real good. Mind-blowing sex—that’s what you get from Godzilla.
And then you need a gay guy—someone you can go shopping with, who doesn’t want anything from you but gossip and details about what the old man bought you, which errands you sent the ugly guy to take care of, and exactly how Mandingo had you doing monkey flips for a week. See, the gay guy gives you all the conversation you need (smile).
Four guys, supplying each of your needs should bring you happiness. I say “should” because, for women, happiness isn’t guaranteed, even once their needs have been met. We fully recognize that you maintain the right to change at any time the perimeters, conditions, and specifics of what, exactly, will make you happy, and we try to adjust accordingly, and usually can’t.
Now men, by contrast, are very simple creatures. It really doesn’t take much to make us happy. In fact, there are only three things that pretty much every man needs—support, love, and “The Cookie.” Three things—that’s it. So, simple! In fact, I’d argue that it’s easy for a woman to give her man support, love, and sex because it’s in her makeup—support and love are things that women dole out innately and freely.
You just call it something else: nurturing. And if you love a man enough to nurture him, then I’d argue you love him enough to be intimate with him. So those three things come naturally to you. And this is all your man wants from you. Let me break it down.
#1: He Needs Your Support.
We have to feel like somebody’s got our back—like we’re the king, even if we’re not. You have to understand that when we walk out the door, the entire world is standing at the ready to beat us down. Black or white, yellow, striped, every man leaves the house ready to battle. He might have a job where three people can walk by his desk and give him a pink slip at any given moment—change his life in the flash of an eye. The guy in the position beneath your man’s maybe just searching for a way to undermine him, so he can get the bigger pay—and he doesn’t give a damn about whether what he says and does can put your man’s job in jeopardy.
Your man could be driving down the street minding his own business and get pulled over and something could happen that he has no control over, or someone may try to come and take what he’s got. In other words, a man is constantly on the lookout, sizing up the next man, standing at the ready to defend his and all of his gains (that would include you).
So, when we walk back into our house, we want to be able to let our guard down. All we want, really, is to hear you say, “Honey, how was your day? Thank you for making it happen for us. This family needs you and wants you and is happy to have you.” We’ve got to feel like we’re king, even if we don’t act kingly. Trust me, the more you make us feel like we’re special, the more we’ll give in return. We’ll just try harder. Plain and simple.
A man needs that from his woman—he needs her to say, “Honey, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you do for me and the kids.” Those simple words give us the strength to keep on doing right by ourselves and the family. From working harder on the job, to bringing home that paycheck, to something as simple as throwing some meat on the grill on Saturday evenings or folding up a load of the laundry, we’ll do it more often if there is a reward in it.
That reward doesn’t cost you one red penny. It simply comes from the heart: Thank you, baby. I appreciate you. You don’t know how important that is for your man; that little bit of encouragement makes him want to do more. You think because we’re hard and we don’t want to cuddle that we don’t need that encouragement, but we do. And the woman who comes along and says, “You so big and strong and you’re everything I need,” well, we’re going to go get some more of that!
#2: He Needs Your Loyalty. His Meaning of Love is Different.
Please understand that our love is wholly different from a woman’s love. A woman’s love is emotional, nurturing, heartfelt—sweet and kind, and all-encompassing. You can slice a knife through it, it’s so thick. And when she’s in love with you, she is loyal to you—she can’t see herself with someone else, because for her, no one else will do. That’s a woman’s love. But for men, love is loyalty. We want you to show your love to us by being loyal. That means that no matter what, you’re going to stand beside us.
We get laid off, we know you’re going to stay, even if we’re not drawing a paycheck. You get around your girlfriends, you’re going to say with great enthusiasm, “That’s my man. I’m loyal to him.” Johnny Depp, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, or the like walks into the room, money dripping from their suit jacket, floating on air and glistening and all that? You’re going to hold on to our hand a little tighter and say from the bottom of your heart, “I don’t want any of those shiny, rich, fine men because my man is the only one for me!” (We can only hope that’s what you’ll say!) That’s loyalty—our kind of love. To men, they are one and the same.
The kind of love you require is beautiful, but our love isn’t like your love. It’s different, though it’s still love. And a man’s love is a very powerful thing. It’s amazing love. If your loyalty is real and unimpeachable, that man will kill concrete for you.
#3: He Needs The Cookie.
No-brainer. Men. Need. Sex. We love it. Ain’t nothin’ on this planet like it, nothing else we want that bad on a continuous basis, nothing else we simply cannot live without. Take our house, take our job, the ’69 Chevrolet, our last pair of gators, but please—puh-leeze—don’t hold out on the cookie. We don’t care about anything else; we need the cookie. We need to be physically engaged with the woman we love, the woman who is loyal to us and supports us, and the way that we do that is by making love.
The emotional stuff—the talking, the cuddling, the holding hands, and bonding, that’s y’all’s a thing. We’ll do those things because we know it’s important to you. But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Period. It’s how we plug in, recharge, and reconnect. I don’t know of a man who doesn’t need this. Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him into the Smithsonian—he’s that special and rare. But the rest of us men? We need sex like we need air.
You got about a good month at best without it. And then he’s going to get it from somewhere else (unless you’re carrying his child).
I’m telling you: gangs are built on support and loyalty; dudes go out and form gangs built on those two things right there. The only thing missing is sex, and that’s where the girl gang members come in. It’s the same thing with motorcycle clubs or the country club, fraternities—the whole of a man’s world is built on these three principles. There’s not one day of the week that we are not waking up in the pursuit of it.
Loyalty. Support. That’s what men are made of. And can’t one of them survive without sex. Oh, he’ll work with you if you have an off week—if he loves you, that is. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t bother to try to get your cookie—he’d just go on and get it from somewhere else. But if he’s into you, and you’re cutting back, rationing it out, you’re not doing what you did when you all first started dating, he’s going to line up someone who will.
Please believe me when I tell you this: he will tell everybody, “This is my girl right here,” but meanwhile, he will have another woman lined up and waiting to give him what he needs and wants—the cookie. Don’t get it wrong—we’re not animals. We know things change, the baby comes and the doctor says we have to wait six weeks, or your monthly is on the way, your hormones are acting up and you’re not in the mood. But the excuses can’t go on forever. You can play your man short if you want to.
No matter how much a man loves his wife, his family, his house, his role as the man of the house, the one who’s bringing in all the money into the family account, maybe even putting a little extra into yours, if you mess around and start shelling out the cookie in crumbs, it’s going to be a problem.
Speaking of many men’s experiences, even if he has turned 50, 60,70, I’m telling you right now, don’t play them short in this area. At that age, they will work with you for a little longer, but they can’t afford to mess up—mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. If they start messing around, they might have a stroke and miss out on their homegoing. But the truth is, if one can’t go home and relieve the stress, there is a problem.
If I’ve tried to get you motivated to give me some of the cookies and you’re still coming up with reasons why you just can’t be intimate with me, something is going to change. And I’m ready to bet things aren’t so different in your household. You might have been up all night for a week with a sick child, gotten up early to get the other onto the school bus before you hit the road for that rush-hour commute to work, gone to battle with your co-workers and boss for eight hours with nothing but a fifteen-minute break to swallow an inadequate, unsatisfying lunch, and then hit the rush-hour traffic back home to start your second job—the feeding and care of your kids.
There’s dinner to be cooked, homework to be checked, laundry to be done, and the list goes on. By the time your man checks in with you, the last thing on your mind is giving a positive response to what a friend of mine called “the shoulder tap.” “You know what I’m talking about,” she said. “It’s when you finally drop into the bed exhausted, and you’re halfway through your favorite show you watch when you just want to zone out, and here he comes, tapping you on your shoulder, asking for sex. It’s just annoying.”
What that same friend of mine didn’t know, though, was that her husband was tired of the “shoulder tap,” too. In his mind, he’d also worked all day—just as hard as her. And though he may not have done all the exact things she’d done during the course of the evening at home, he, too, put in work around the house, and, like her, needed to wind down from his day. She liked watching television. He liked to have sex. She was always too tired to have sex. He was tired of not having sex.
Just remember, so, while she unwound to her favorite shows, he unwound out of the house—with another woman. Now, I’m not saying what he did was right. But as a man, I can understand the logic behind what he eventually ended up doing. And if I were in their bedroom before all of the ugliness from his cheating ways went down, I would have given them what I’ve found to be some very sage advice: acknowledge the ones you love.
That means that if a man sees his woman had a hard day and she could stand some more help around the house to make the evenings go more smoothly, her man needs to step up his game. If she cooks, he does the dishes. If she gets the kids’ clothes ready for tomorrow, he gets their homework ready for tomorrow. If she gets the kids off to bed, he gets his wife off in bed by setting the mood—straightening up, running her a bath, letting her settle in with a glass of wine, whatever it takes to make it clear to her that having sex with the woman he loves is not only a release but an act of love. And she, perhaps, will be more willing to reciprocate—not with annoyance, but with the sheer giddiness in knowing how it feels to feel wanted.
But understand that no man is going to wine and dine his wife every night in order to have sex with her. That’s unreasonable. Sometimes, he’s just going to want to have you, no-frills—without being forced to feel like he’s added another “chore” to your list of things to do.
Every man needs that from his woman. Every last one of us.
To sum up, we’ve got to have these three things—support, loyalty, and sex—from you or we’re going to go. You can shop for us, cook dinner every night, and make sure our favorite peanut butter is in the cabinet to show us that you’re paying attention and you care. But what we really need from you when our day goes bad is those three things. You give me that when I come home, and I’ll go back out there and fight this war for you.
The moment a woman isn’t doing those three things for her man, I can promise you he’ll get somebody who will. We cannot survive without these things—not for ninety days, we can’t. You may not like what I’m saying, but ask any man about these words and whether they’re true, and that man will tell you this one simple thing: it’s true. Support. Loyalty. The cookie. If you supply these three things, you’ll have on your hands a man who will do anything you need and want him to do for you—pure and simple.
“WE NEED TO TALK,” AND OTHER WORDS THAT MAKE MEN RUN FOR COVER
“We need to talk.” For a man, few words are as menacing as those four—especially when a woman is the one saying them and he’s on the receiving end. Those four words can mean only two things to men: either we did something wrong or, worse, you really literally just want to talk.
Now, we understand that we’re not the essence of perfection and there are going to be times when you’re mad at us and need to let us know it; we get that, though we don’t necessarily want to have to concentrate on an hourlong angry lecture about how we screwed up. But even more?
No man wants to sit around chatting with you like we’re one of your girlfriends. Ever. It’s just not in our DNA to lounge around, sip coffee, and dab at our eyes with a tissue as if we’re in an AA meeting or on some psychologist’s couch trying to get things off our chest. When men are talking, and especially when they’re listening, it’s with purpose. We don’t vent. We just want to fix whatever situation is upsetting the balance.
We understand that this frustrates you time and time again because sometimes you want to talk to share and get someone else’s take on a situation—you know, put a listening ear on it. But seriously? That’s what your girlfriends are for. You layout your problem and she’ll commiserate with you—give you all kinds of “yeah, girls” and “I know that’s right,” and nod and agree and tell you stories about how the same thing happened to her.
She’ll even go on to give you concrete examples of every other time something like this has happened to other women throughout the history of the world, and, hours later, you all will get up from the couch, having solved nothing but feeling so much better. Consider Example A: You: “I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine, and wouldn’t you know that bit*h had on the same shirt as me?”
Your girlfriend: “You better stop it. Which one?” You: “The blue one—you know, the one with the orange flower print? I got it from that store across town? On sale?” Your girlfriend: “You mean the one you found on the $29.99 rack in the back? The same day I found those shoes at the store just down the street?” You: “That’s the one! I wore that shirt to work a few weeks ago and she complimented me on it and next thing I know, she ran to the store and bought my shirt and is wearing it to work! Can you believe it? Do you know how that made me feel?” Your girlfriend: “Aw, hell .... Are you serious? That’s horrible. She’s got some nerve ...”
For sure, this conversation could go on for hours, morphing into all kinds of side conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand: that some woman was wearing the same blouse as you on the same day in the same office.
With a man, exactly ten seconds into the conversation, he’d arrive at The Fix. I present to you, Example B: You: “I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine, and wouldn’t you know that bit*h had on the same shirt as me?” Your man: “Really? Don’t wear it anymore.” End of conversation. It’s that simple for us. In this particular instance, and many more examples such as this, we can’t get more worked up than that. How you felt at work while you had to sit there with this other woman on the other side of the room with the same blouse on is irrelevant to us.
As far as we’re concerned, the problem has already been fixed—you came home. You’re not looking at the woman in the identical blouse anymore. And if you don’t wear that particular blouse to the office again, you won’t have to deal with that particular problem again. In our mind, problem solved—no more talking.
All of this is to say that we men aren’t in the talking business; we’re in the fix-it business. From the moment we come out of the womb, we’re taught to protect, profess, and provide. Communicating, nurturing, listening to problems, and trying to understand them without any obligation to fix them is simply not what boys are raised to do. We don’t let them cry, we don’t ask them how they feel about anything, and we don’t encourage them to express themselves in any meaningful way beyond showing how “manly” they are.
Let a little boy fall off his bike and scrape his knee—see how fast everyone tells him to get up and shake it off and stop all that doggone crying. “Be a man,” we demand. There’s no discussion about how he felt when he hit the ground—nobody’s asking him to talk about whether he’s too scared to get back on the bike and try again. Our automatic response is to tell him to get over it, get back on the bike, and figure out how to ride it so he doesn’t fall again.
Now that he’s grown and, in a relationship, you expect that same boy who was told to keep quiet and keep it moving to be a man who can sit and listen and communicate and nurture? I’m telling you now: your expectations are off. Women have different moods and ideas in their head, and you all expect us to fall in line, and if we don’t, it’s a problem—you’re telling your girlfriends, “He won’t talk to me,” and “I can’t get him to open up.” But opening up is not what we do. Profess, provide, and protect—all our lives, that’s what we men have been taught and encouraged to do.
This, we’ve been told, is how a man shows his love. And The Fix falls firmly into the “provide” category. For sure, provision isn’t just about money; for us, providing also is about righting what’s wrong, and figuring out what’s going to keep everybody happy. Because any man with sense knows that when mama’s happy, we’re all going to be happy. And when you’re happy, there is a great return for us. So, we provide and fix.
I’m telling you right now: if you go to your man with a situation that’s fixable and he doesn’t try to fix it, he is not your man—he is not in love with you. Go ahead, I dare you to try it for yourself. When your man comes over, tell him, “You know, I just can’t stand this kitchen this way. The color just throws me all off, the cabinets are all wrong, they don’t go with the stove and I can’t get my mind right in here when I’m trying to cook.” If he’s all the way in it with you, he will say, without hesitation, “What color you want this kitchen to be, baby?” Tell him “pink,” and see if by next Saturday the whole kitchen isn’t painted pink, cabinets and all.
He will see your distress, understand that if you don’t like the cabinets and the walls and the way the stove functions, you’re going to walk into that kitchen with your mouth poked out—phoning in the home-cooked meals because you just can’t hook up the steaks and baked potatoes like you want to in a kitchen you can’t stand. And we definitely don’t want that, so to the hardware store, we will go. Even if we don’t have money for a complete remodel, we’ll go and find you some hardware for the cabinets, maybe some new handles, and some sandpaper—lots of sandpaper—to get that color you can’t stand off your cabinets so that we can refinish them exactly the way you want them to be finished.
A man who really loves you can’t wait to do this for you, because in the back of his mind, he can envision you with a smile on your face, setting his place at the head of the table, and serving up a fine meal in the new kitchen he fixed just for you. (Oh, make no mistake about it: we want to see you happy, but it’s also all about the return, ladies. Please understand and respect the return.) Of course, we operate under the assumption that The Fix isn’t always going to be on point.
We stay off balance because even though we’re responding in a way that we believe is logical, our women will inevitably respond emotionally—which always throws a monkey wrench right into the middle of what we’re trying to accomplish. Most of the time, it feels to us that your response is determined not wholly by what is rational, but mostly by how you’re feeling that particular day, at that particular moment.
A perfect example: your man can lick you on the same breast with the same amount of moisture in the same exact position that had you hollering and screaming last night, and this evening, you will look at him and say, with conviction, “What are you doing? I don’t want that.” And now he’s all confused because, hey, if you lick him on that spot and he liked it yesterday, he’s going to like it today and tomorrow and the day after that, too. But you, not so much.
What you like and how you like it seemingly shifts from day to day, sometimes even moment to moment. And that is not logical to us—we can’t figure it out, ever. If we get it right, great. But sometimes, we’re just going to get it wrong. A lot of times, the more inexperienced of us men are going to completely screw it up.
For example, consider a woman who walks into the room in a visible huff; a guy who’s young and not too smart in this relationship business may ask his lady what’s wrong, and she may say, “nothing.” That fool will be the one to say, “Okay, cool.” He will also be the one who gets laid out with the, “Dammit—you saw me tripping and you’re just going to walk off without seeing about me?” Yup, that guy is going to have a lot of fixing to do.
But the more experienced man—the one who can read his lady’s moods and tell when something is wrong—is going to ask her what’s up, and no matter how many times she says, “nothing,” he’s going to ask again and again until she starts coming clean and opens up, though, in his heart of hearts, he will be hoping to God there’s really nothing wrong, and if there is something wrong, he will be able to just fix it because he doesn’t want to see her pout. Even when he thinks she is done talking, he’ll push her until the issue is resolved because he can’t leave it at, “Wow, sorry that happened.”
He will immediately launch into The Fix. This is not to say you’ll never have a conversation with your man that lasts longer than two minutes. We understand that sometimes we’re going to have to give a little more in terms of communicating with you—that every now and then we’re going to have to spill our guts and reveal what’s going on in our heads.
We also know that you may just want to lie in our arms and cuddle and talk it out with absolutely no resolution. We are capable of doing this, too. It’s not easy. But it can be done. We know that sitting and listening and even participating in a long conversation about your feelings is necessary and inevitable. But don’t be surprised if those conversations are few and far between. A detailed conversation is what you have with your girlfriends.
Men just want to hear the problem and then fix it. It’s about maintaining this balance—the two of you understand exactly what each other requires to be innately happy, and then trying to provide at least some of that so that both mates feel like they’re in this relationship with the other. For men, that means that every once in a while, they may have to sit and be still and just listen. For women, it would go a long way if they respected the encryption of manhood—that we’re too focused on who we are, what we do, and how much we make to spend a whole lot of time sitting around pondering things that can’t be fixed.
Of course, it would go a long way if women stopped opening the conversation with “we need to talk.” The moment you say that our defenses go up, the repair tools come out, the sweat starts rolling, and we’re sprinting through the events of the past weeks, trying to figure out what we did wrong, when we did it, and how we’re going to fix it so that we’re not in trouble anymore. In fact, I think it’s a good idea that, if you just want to vent, you start the conversation with something simple, like, “Honey, look, nothing is really wrong—I just want to tell somebody something.” That’s a great opening line; it allows us to relax, take our foot down from the witness stand, put away our “fix it” tools, and actually sit and listen to what you have to say.
What Men Think and What Men Do
Here is a real story from a well-known comedian that made me laugh.
“Show live by remote in Detroit, and a woman came up to the podium to say hello to me and the crew—a really attractive girl, nicely dressed, with beautiful and smooth skin, pretty white teeth, gorgeous body, really put together all around. And when she started talking, she really threw me because I could hear in her voice that she was mature, but she just didn’t look like she sounded. So, I asked the lady how old she was; she said she was forty-two. Blew me away. I didn’t think she was a day older than thirty.
Then I asked her how many kids she had. “Five,” she said, smiling from ear to ear. “I’ve got three of my own, and I adopted two.” Now I’m sitting here thinking, wow—that’s really slick. She’s over age forty, she’s taking care of not only the kids she gave birth to, but two more she took in out of the kindness and generosity of her heart, and she looks years younger than she really is—she’s really got it going on. Be clear: I wasn’t about to do anything with this information because guess what? I’m a happily married man—emphasis on happiness.
But some years ago, that conversation would have gone down a wholly different way, and it would not have involved me asking her anything about her kids, where she works, how she’s living—none of that.
But a guy who was all in her space while we continued doing our show—that’s another story. He clearly had plans for this lady. You could tell just by the way he was leaning into her, hanging on her every word. Oh, he was talking to her like there weren’t hundreds of people surrounding them—like my cohost and I wasn’t in the middle of a show. I knew what he was trying to get to. But clearly, she had no clue.
In front of everyone during a commercial break, I asked her, “What does he want?” She laughed and gave me a confused look. “Nothing,” she giggled. “We’re just making small talk.” Mind you, the guy trying to talk to her isn’t saying a word. He knows that I know. And after a few more commercial breaks, and a lot more of his obvious moves, I finally told her he was looking for much more than a simple conversation. “He wants something from you,” I said. “I can prove it to you.”
Now the crowd, full of mostly women, is goading me on. “Here’s the deal,” I said. “Turn around right now, look in his face, and do not take your eyes off his eyes. Now tell him how many kids you got and watch his reaction.” The man seemed calm until she got to the word five. He reeled back like a spooked horse; his whole facial structure changed, and even though he covered his mouth, he couldn’t keep his surprise, “Ooh,” from escaping his lips. He couldn’t get away from her fast enough.
The next break, he was down on the other end of the venue—fifty feet away, in some other woman’s face. See, he wanted something from her, but that something didn’t include five kids. He had a good job, he appeared intelligent. He had told me he was making good money; clearly, however, he couldn’t foresee his money split those many ways. When he was flirting with this woman, all he envisioned was he and her getting down to it, no strings attached.”
FIRST THINGS FIRST: He Wants to Sleep with You
It's easy: when a man approaches you, he has a plan to sleep with you or to find out what it takes to sleep with you.
Maybe it is a generalization but it’s true. Women love to sit and talk with no apparent reason but to talk, but we men, we’re just not cut out to chitchat for the sake of chitchat – we don’t have time for it. Being very simple people, when we like what we see, we are coming over there. If we don’t want anything from you, we are not coming over. Period.
Please highlight this part right here, so, you can always remind yourself the next time a man steps to you: a man always wants something, ALWAYS. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find two things:
- If you are willing to sleep with him.
- If you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him. It’s not only the monetary value but the time and efforts to be invested.
There are some exclusions in the case when the man just needs some business-related information (Are there any free rooms available in the motel? What is your business schedule? Do you have any T-shirts of a grey color?). Have no doubt, if you are an attractive woman, after business questions, he will ask you about your personal schedule for this evening.
If a man sees you and asks you how you are doing, what do you think he came over there for? To find out about your interests and likes? That is the woman do when they are interested in getting to know someone, yet, for a man, it’s really less complicated: he liked what he saw from across the room and how he is going to go over there and get it. He doesn’t care about your personality, interests, or who your friends are, not to mention your religious beliefs. He just wants to know… see two things mentioned above.
He is trying to see if the number two thing (the “price”) is too high or if it is affordable if he can get it on credit, whether he can get it tonight. So, if you don’t lay out any requirements, then you are free and the game is on, and he knows that he can get you in a bed with minimal effort. But if you upfront you have the requirements – that you need his time, his respect, his attention – then he knows that the cost could be too high. So, some men assess it right away and will find the cause to withdraw, but your “sticker price” may be affordable to another man.
This is useful information for ladies. When a man is approaching you, you can quickly cut through BS and lay down your requirements to determine if he is willing to pay for what he is looking for. When you are not aware that all men have a plan, you are not placing requirements on him, and if you are not setting any ground rules, then you are essentially telling him that you are open to HIS rules.
You don’t establish how often he calls; when he comes by; how often you all talk, and whether he opens your door… It means he will call you when he is ready; and even if you have asked him to come over at 7 pm, he might be there at 8 pm. All of it is because you did not acknowledge that the man has a plan (“a” and “b”).
So, for you, ladies, it is important to know about a man’s plan. And not only the short-term plan. If you had a few dates, it is important to know if your man is having a long-term plan, too. You do know what I mean, right? And if he doesn’t, his plan is just “a” and “b”. Make sure that you understand that there cannot be two plans. It is just one or another.
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Just type: Yes, I want it!
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